I saw his package. It spoke to me.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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