I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
