I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
you will always have a special place in my vag
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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