Please, let me fuck your mom
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
