why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Randomize
