i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
