I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
