i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
im holly from the hills drunk
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
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