from now on my penis is your penis
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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