Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
