Screwed.edu
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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