clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
