Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
