My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Yo dont text me then not text me
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
