If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize