Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
