This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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