What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
