I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize