Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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