He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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