Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
