she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
