I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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