I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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