so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
