Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
