It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize
