The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I didn't notice because vodka
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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