at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
and you fell through a lawn chair
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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