i think my tv is drunk
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
