let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
