What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
