What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
