You're my little dorito
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize