no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Randomize
