Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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