mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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