i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
