I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize