Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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