I'll bet she douches with gravy.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
