I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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