I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
