if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
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