My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
