Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
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