watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I wish you could order shots online.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
