am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
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