are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
time to smoke my breakfast
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I love you. Go after that dick
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Randomize
