So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Randomize
