I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
