Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
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