I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
As shirtless as possible
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
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