I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
