I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize