How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
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