Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
