can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
