what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Randomize
