hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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