I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I just had sex on a roof
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
