so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
