Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
