Don't make out with my wife yet
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Your penis caused this!
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
