I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
