New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize