Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
