How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Randomize
